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| .new.miserable.experience. |
| 02.27.08 (1:37 am) [edit] |
|
[ words : brain on music, single atom ] " is there a line that I could write.. sad enough to make you cry..
after all Van Gogh commited suicide in poverty and from suffering extensive periods of depression, never profiting from his works.. so many others from other substance abuse or mental illnesses.. Genius is not an easy mark to bare.. often its not recognized. Its important to take those materials and creations and consider their purpose and our meaning in relation to it... we often forget that we have so many more important things to accomplish in life.. and that we are often better off than others.. if we cannot help them, we certainly should not forget our fortune. I've been stable.. I've not been perfect, I continue with severe moments of anger or frustration.. I feel often things get in my way.. I like a set course, I like control with some surprizes, I like change, I like challenge.. but I find more often than not I cannot resolve the actions I want to, fast enough. I want to complete things, not feel like I'm moving so slowly. I want to get to just working on projects important to me, not sitting around exhausted or sidetracked. I don't feel as focused as I have on medications, but I'm more consistant and less stressed, and if thats all I can be fortunate of, at least its a positive direction. anyways, enough ranting for now, its bed time for demons.. |
posted by: Barnabus1 (reply)
post date: 02.27.08 (9:09 am)
Our need to 'control' things brings us our greatest problems and tragedy's. We will never succeed even close to the degree we wish we could control, and that's a good thing!! There is more pain generated by attempting to control, than by any other single source I know of! Maybe relax a bit and be more flexible?
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 02.29.08 (4:38 pm)
i take it your "bio-polar" too...
let me guess.. over 1250mgs of lithum??
posted by: lyinghere (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (8:46 pm)
Reply to: Barnabus1
I'm terrible at relaxing. I have so many things I'm looking to accomplish. I have a lot of meditative training, I can literally zone out, refresh and return to action.. its still not healthy some days, so I'm very wary of 'resting' properly.
thanks for the comments =p
posted by: lyinghere (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (9:02 pm)
Reply to: nightbreed
no, I have an affective mood disorder; its anti-social & anxiety driven, irrational long periods of depression causing depleted sleep, motivation, and activity; its a re-ocuring issue I've not shaken since I was an adolescent. I'm off my meds, I'm not so bad, but its not been something I've been capable of escaping. I'm currently applying a natropathic approach to resolving my issues.. meds only work for so long and were keeping me 'stable' but it wasn't the way I wanted to live life.
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (9:04 pm)
Reply to: lyinghere
have you tried valrian tea?
i believe all the meds do is keep us zoned out..at least all the ones ive tried have or they dont do anything.. best of luck to ya
posted by: lyinghere (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (9:06 pm)
Reply to: nightbreed
no, I'm on other diet and neurochemical aides..
but I generally drink a lot of tea =p
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (9:08 pm)
Reply to: lyinghere
if you can stand the smell of it and the first couple of sips, it has a calming effect (unless you have a 9 yr old running around) mugwort helps too. i have the polar crap going on and have been on just about everything. mine isnt so much depressant stages but aggressive stages
posted by: lyinghere (reply)
post date: 03.01.08 (9:14 pm)
Reply to: nightbreed
right.. aggression.. I still have that issue too.. fortunately I hit walls, not people... and Its never 'at' someone that I'm angry (often) its this pointless 'general' out of control series of reactions.. hope you manage better as the days go by
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-silence- .speak without fear. .know that beauty is balance/beauty is flesh. .know that life is a road we fall blindly downward. .know that when we touch, we affect things. .know this all means something. .love is only here to devour & fondle us. |