.ccc.


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========================
REQUIREDENTERTAINMENT
========================
.fiction.

: MirrorMask, anaisi boys, neverwhere, american gods, smoke and mirrors, anything sandman or death
. neil gaiman

:imagica, weave world, abarat
. clive barker

:someplace to be flying, the onion girl, forests of the heart, dreams underfoot
. charles de lint

:the ecstasy club
. douglass ruskoff

:lost souls?, drawing blood, wormwood, the lazaruz heart
. poppy z. brite

:neromancer, virtual light, idoru
. william gibson

:fight club
. chuck palahniuk

:the alchemist
. paul caleo

:the celestine prophecy, tenth insight
secret of shambalah, god & universe
. james redfield

:the peaceful warrior, sacred journey
. dan millman

:something from the nightside,
agents of light & darkness,
paths not taken, hex & the city
sharper than a serpents tooth
. simon r green

: angels & demons, da vinci code
. dan brown

:snow crash, cryptonomicon
. neal stephenson
_____________________
.non.fiction.
*the urban primitive.
*universe on a tshirt

*city magic~chris penziuk

*spirits of the city~r.heaven

*the age of spiritual machines: when computers exceed human intelligence~ray kurzweil

*secrets of shamanism.stevens
_____________________
.RPGs.
:Mage, Abberant
.WhiteWolf Publishing
:BESM d20
. Tri-stat System
:ADD [advanced dungeons & dragons 3rdEd]
.Wizards of the Coast
:Modern d20, Arcane; cyberpunk2.0; Tribe8; HKAT2 [HongKong ActionTheater]; FadingSuns.
_____________________
.poetry.
:collected works of
dylan thomas

:divne comedy
. dante aligherti

:the captain's verses
. pablo neruda

: coke machine glow
. gordon downey

:poe, tennyson,
shakespeare, blake, kerouac
_____________________
.music.
the.cure, wolfsheim, vnv.nation, wumpscut, das.ich, tool, a.perfect.circle, counting.crows, our.lady.peace, moist, nin, manson, graeme revell, econoline.crush, depeche.mode, david.bowie, covenant, cruxshadows, assemblage.23, linkin.park, rage.against. the.machine, cursive, mars.volta, mdfmk|kmfdm, orgy, placebo, u2, voltaire, white/rob.zombie, system.of.a.down, switchblade.symphony
_____________________
.comix.graphic.novels.

[Z?] jthm, Ifeelsick, fillerbunny, InvaderZim
.vasqez.

lenore, monsters in my tummy
.dirge.

gloom cookie, nitemares&fairytales
.valentino.

Dead.Line 1: Spiritus Sancti
.olajos.

The Witching Hour
. Loeb; Art: Bachalo, Thibert .

spawn, spiderman
.macfarlane.

death, sandman, books of magic
.gaiman.

maxx
.keith.

from hell, league of extraordinary gentlemen, watchmen
.moore.

Rising Stars
. J. Michael Straczynski .
_____________________
.fineart.
:cristo, wmjturner, klimt, pollock, man ray, kandinsky, ryden, rothko, degas, renoir.

========================



.ccc.
03.04.07 (11:58 pm)   [edit]

[ .ccc. : three hundred days ]

" i'll take my chances while
you take your time with
this game you play"
~j.rzeznik, ggdolls


minus four degrees celsius..
should be in the tens this week however..

still taking my meds.. every other day.. twenty-two days left by the looks of it.. finding on my off days though I'm pretty irrational, upset or angry for no clear reason..

I don't want to blame not being on them, but it seems I am pretty down or angry on those days.. I continue to have irrational behaviour when I'm like that...

I will admit I am financially frustrated.. I get paid well, but it seems I am constantly out of $.. I don't seem to be wasting my money on lavish or crazy things... food mostly... but its still difficult to make solid decisions when I keep waiting for something to come around..

As well I am very physically needy.. I don't think I'm getting the attention I really need, and its definately making me frustrated and angry.. Minou has been busy an unavailable, and its not her fault at all. 

But I'm terribly confused when I'm told often I'm pretty, intelligent, interesting, and attractive .. I thought that was supposed to make a difference... and being polyamorous is supposed to make things easier, if only slightly, in that dept..
but I have no other partners atm, no one is available for me, and think I'm just dissolving into some kind of cyclical dissapointment with the whole thing..

often I'm told or get repetitive signs to be paitent.. but I cannot see how 'waiting it out' nor 'it will come along when its right' does me any good.. how long is the 'waiting' supposed to occur.. really now? 

last I checked I'm not immortal..
I just have to out live everyone I know..
thats the only promise I really have to keep..

I know its not the most important thing in the world really.. it just seems to get more compounded by the length of time or distance between others..

I seem to choose ppl (okay, girls.. i gave up on boys some time ago.. ) 
that are far away.. which on one hand says I have standards..
and on the other says, I am trying to remain distant inside and out..

okay.. I'm over analyzing now.. I'm sure of it..

great.. I'm angry, confused, frustrated 'and' crazy..

just what I needed..

+lost.laine+
 

posted by: swanktrendz (reply)
post date: 03.08.07 (10:01 pm)

I too, believe that numerous long-distance relationships is an attempt to keep oneself distant, and not disappointed. Having distance allows an 'out' for anything that could go wrong, whereas proximity means one has to look inwards - not very fun. Have you had any relationships where your mate is close (physically)?


posted by: lyinghere (reply)
post date: 03.09.07 (9:17 am)

Reply to: swanktrendz
quite often.. its the 'physical' thats the issue.

actually, I'm partially referring to girls that have moved away.. seems to be a running theme, makes you worry if its 'you' lol ..
but I am still 'close' to them, but not in proximity.. makes the physical part harder.

but no, my partner is very close, just not having extended luck.. things keep not falling in line..
also, I'm sure I've been keeping in mind that I am moving myself in a few years and I'm sure I'd rather not make promises that I cannot keep anymore...
sorry for the vague response.. I"ll clear it up more if you need more specific examples..
ttys


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-silence-
.speak without fear.
.know that beauty is balance/beauty is flesh.
.know that life is a road we fall blindly downward.
.know that when we touch, we affect things.
.know this all means something.
.love is only here to devour & fondle us.
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