.cclvii.


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========================
REQUIREDENTERTAINMENT
========================
.fiction.

: MirrorMask, anaisi boys, neverwhere, american gods, smoke and mirrors, anything sandman or death
. neil gaiman

:imagica, weave world, abarat
. clive barker

:someplace to be flying, the onion girl, forests of the heart, dreams underfoot
. charles de lint

:the ecstasy club
. douglass ruskoff

:lost souls?, drawing blood, wormwood, the lazaruz heart
. poppy z. brite

:neromancer, virtual light, idoru
. william gibson

:fight club
. chuck palahniuk

:the alchemist
. paul caleo

:the celestine prophecy, tenth insight
secret of shambalah, god & universe
. james redfield

:the peaceful warrior, sacred journey
. dan millman

:something from the nightside,
agents of light & darkness,
paths not taken, hex & the city
sharper than a serpents tooth
. simon r green

: angels & demons, da vinci code
. dan brown

:snow crash, cryptonomicon
. neal stephenson
_____________________
.non.fiction.
*the urban primitive.
*universe on a tshirt

*city magic~chris penziuk

*spirits of the city~r.heaven

*the age of spiritual machines: when computers exceed human intelligence~ray kurzweil

*secrets of shamanism.stevens
_____________________
.RPGs.
:Mage, Abberant
.WhiteWolf Publishing
:BESM d20
. Tri-stat System
:ADD [advanced dungeons & dragons 3rdEd]
.Wizards of the Coast
:Modern d20, Arcane; cyberpunk2.0; Tribe8; HKAT2 [HongKong ActionTheater]; FadingSuns.
_____________________
.poetry.
:collected works of
dylan thomas

:divne comedy
. dante aligherti

:the captain's verses
. pablo neruda

: coke machine glow
. gordon downey

:poe, tennyson,
shakespeare, blake, kerouac
_____________________
.music.
the.cure, wolfsheim, vnv.nation, wumpscut, das.ich, tool, a.perfect.circle, counting.crows, our.lady.peace, moist, nin, manson, graeme revell, econoline.crush, depeche.mode, david.bowie, covenant, cruxshadows, assemblage.23, linkin.park, rage.against. the.machine, cursive, mars.volta, mdfmk|kmfdm, orgy, placebo, u2, voltaire, white/rob.zombie, system.of.a.down, switchblade.symphony
_____________________
.comix.graphic.novels.

[Z?] jthm, Ifeelsick, fillerbunny, InvaderZim
.vasqez.

lenore, monsters in my tummy
.dirge.

gloom cookie, nitemares&fairytales
.valentino.

Dead.Line 1: Spiritus Sancti
.olajos.

The Witching Hour
. Loeb; Art: Bachalo, Thibert .

spawn, spiderman
.macfarlane.

death, sandman, books of magic
.gaiman.

maxx
.keith.

from hell, league of extraordinary gentlemen, watchmen
.moore.

Rising Stars
. J. Michael Straczynski .
_____________________
.fineart.
:cristo, wmjturner, klimt, pollock, man ray, kandinsky, ryden, rothko, degas, renoir.

========================




.cclvii.
01.21.07 (2:53 am)   [edit]

[ .cclvii. : two hundred and fifty-seven days ]
[ .reading: WE, zaimaitin, 
Communist Anarchist, berkman. ]
[ .listening: city.and.colour, neverending.white.lights ]

" I'm afraid...to sleep because of the way you haunt me.
I know you can make me fall apart so softly
And know you turn away so easily
And leave me all alone "
~dallas green

Late night.. my hour, really. slept till 4pm today.. I'm not well, I suppose this shouldn't be a surprise, need to work less perhaps.

I'm on my last run with my meds. weaning myself off them this next two months, so I'll see how this goes. I know I still have down days, and feelings I cannot account for. thoughts are still imbalanced I should say. I'm not sure I'm ready to be off them, but its procedure. I'd rather be free of it, but I have been more settled and productive with them. the honeous should be on me, and not the meds, to control my moods.

my relationships have been lacking I suppose. I find I'm on different schedules than everyone.. no one gets back to me.. I'm trying to be free for others in my life, but it seems this just isn't the time. it never seems like my time, to speak up and be selfish, to get what it is that I want... I just don't want to chase anyone anymore.. its been fruitless, and all kinds of signs say not to give up, to carry on.. but thats what I've been doing a long time. do I get to lay my head down and rest? cuz I don't want to wait a whole life to get something that should be so simple.

how much faith is left to waiting?

*sigh*

well, its bed time for demons..

+lost.laine+

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-silence-
.speak without fear.
.know that beauty is balance/beauty is flesh.
.know that life is a road we fall blindly downward.
.know that when we touch, we affect things.
.know this all means something.
.love is only here to devour & fondle us.
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