Cold... its otherworldly cold this week.. I think this is actually why I dislike winter so much; all I want to do is work all night and sleep all day.. not good with this day job thing *shrug*

So updating my main site has gone fairly well. I have to re-structure most of the writing page work now. but that won't take long, I just need a few more days on that.

AWESOME NEWS : Finally have the beginnings of the new Audio project thats been forth coming with Norwood in ontario. Project title is Cadmic at the highandgrand site . This will be a colaboration of industrial and live sound. I have a lot of equipment I still need to pick up, but this will be the secondary work I'll be focusing on besides getting the Syndrome Papers published officially and before I start the photo/pohem project .X.days.

Anyways, just gonna wrap this up tonite because I believe I can lay in the dark and eventually fall asleep before 3am.

much love,
+your.lost.laine+

Snow.. not a big fan of snow. its brighter outside in the city, and I can't sleep. it makes me mentally active and I dream vividly, my body wants to be working, not sitting still. So, sufficed to say I'm avoiding sleep... which won't really hold on too long.

Just researching some sound materials for a new project I'm building with Norwood in Ontario. I'm apparently the seventh member of the high and grand collective now... but we have some specific ideas we are working on. keeping the project title to myself for now, but I'll be sharing it soon enough. Regardless its some heavier vocal work and should be good for me. I've been neglecting my creativity the last several years, and its starting to show in my daily attitude.

Need to complete the wrap up on the syndrome papers. I've been delaying for some reason, but I need to get over that and get moving. once I pick up some new mic equip and get my office set up properly, I should have a better space to work in. Also Looking at doing follow up audio recordings with sound bites, making syndrome more of a media package. More important I keep my focus, but it seems harder everyday to keep my head & heart on target.

So I'm missing guitars and percussion, I need a piano and looking at picking up some brass instruments again. I'm rusty with music and as much as I'm looking forward to re-learning some things, I'm feeling like I've been putting off my own personal work for a long time... and getting back to it might be a big struggle. makes me wonder if I have the energy and angst still in me to pull this off... but I know its there, I just really need to get into the mode of doing work again.. it will all come out at some point, I'm sure.. if it was ever in me, its hasn't left .

but back to that sleep thing... its bed time for deamons.
more ranting later...
+lost.laine+

I've been lucky.. I think I was born with just enough neuro-chemical resistance that doesn't allow me to be additiced to things too easily.. unfortunately, I've been filled with a terrible sense of longing for things that are Not-fleeting.. and the universe is built on fleeting actions.

But it is the mind that causes this negative longing or negative thoughts.. its likes to make us believe our Egos are real, that if we think enough, we can find a solution to something we begin to obsess over.. negative thoughts about health, trust in relationships, issues at work, personal finances, all kinds of things that easiliy create 'scenarios' we need to fix..  but in north america we are really taught to be negative.. we get addicted to negative emotions, because they are familiar and 'friendly' to us.. the unknown is scary, and thats what we need to avoid; believing the unknown is scary and letting our negativity be an addiction.

I'm not saying don't be negative or have negative thoughts, just learn to accept them; and when they are discovered to be valid negative cognitions, DO something about it. Don't complain about it, don't ignore it, find an action you can take to make change about something you've found to be negative and valid that requires an action.

Ways of getting on track. A good thing personally to do however is focus on diet, as in eating properly.  Eating what you want, but healthier foods.. or less 'pre-paired' foods like fast-food or packaged mixes.. fresh meat and vegatables are better for our bodies obviously, we are not built to digest certain things, or a combination of things at one time ... So if we get our bodies are working properly, we can be certain to see if we are really missing certain neurochemical / proteins our bodies need to help us Mentally function well.

Action. How to take it?  Well I see all kinds of places and tools for speaking up and speaking out.. but still nothing seems to make 'my' personal alternatives clear.

I have the intellect, passion, angst, charisma, and drive to be a starting point for others..
but where do " I " start?

in consideration,
+lost.laine+