[ .as.the.numb.light.goes. ]

amicably, ardently
we go down
in black taxicabs
and hurling perils
sounding in chimes
our seasonal rush

nighttime all encumbered
in your sentimental vows
faithfully we're running
to slam the door

I think its all locked out
and run down
echoes to our empty boots
hearts not longing anymore

the numb light goes out
its in all the things unsaid
and without your doubt
written in the snow
I might still know my name

© Bryan McLean, Dec 28 2006

Celestine Vision 

Just a Wonderful Seasonal update from both of Us =]

Noelle is on holidays but almost done School for Registered Massage therapy,

I am so very proud of all her work, and she should be Registered to work in February,

which I am sure she is looking forward to getting back to FT hours with her new Career.

Myself, I have been busy trying to make travel plans for the next few years for Mexico Road trips and Weddings in China/Tibet... I have several web projects I'm hoping to finish soon, and some Spanish and design training I'm attempting to finish at home.

Remaking our living space to accommodate Noelle's Massage Room and more office space.

Our Cats are well.. Marley is still with me and will be 12 this year, Patches will be ten,

the 'kittens', Shadow and Opera will be four.

Always have more on the go, but this is where we are at for now...

Hope this Card and Message finds you all well and restful this holiday season.

cheers,

    Bryan & Noelle

[ .ccxxiv. : two hundred and twenty four-days ]
[ .reading: WE, zaimaitin. listening: broken.social.scene ]

"this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin,
tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in"
"your ex-lover is dead", Stars

just tired of trying lately.. I must just be burnt out again. *sigh* not feeling much, kinda of frustrated, but I'm not numb.. just seems like there is nothing to feel *shrug*

still needing to find time to do things, it shouldn't be such a struggle, but I keep having things that need doing before I get back to anything I have to get done. its warm again, which is good, but I know the weather affects me a lot, and so I haven't been sleeping again. Mostly just don't feel like sleeping. M's away so maybe thats it, I just don't sleep much or take care of myself when I'm on my own, I guess. I'm sure it will pass, with the 'forced' holidays coming up, I may as well rest.

things to do, work to catch, so I'd better run.

+lost.laine+

All these people drinking lover's spit
They sit around and clean their face with it
And they listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Tied to a night they never met...

You know its time that we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way, I like it all that way...

All these people drinking lover's spit
Swallowing words while giving head
They listen to teeth to learn how to quit
Take some hands and get used to it...

'Lover's spit', Broken Social Scene

'want', robert smith, the cure, 1996

[ .ccxvi. : day two hundred and sixteen ]
[ .reading: WE, zaimaitin. listening: scars.of.life ]

"i never knew a heart could live inside, the rust from all your rain"
from 'drilled a wire through my cheek' ~ blue october

catch up... 
hmmm.. I seem to not have enough time to myself.. Its like I'm trying to see a huge amount of ppl all of a sudden. Minou is away, and I think I'm just avoiding being alone.. but its good.. I think I just have work I need to get down to.. I shouldn't be so pre-occupied with 'the physical', but somethings just missing or not right.. *sigh*

I was chatting with a gf friend, and it seems I have to change my way of doing things to get waht I want.. dumb down and be more of an asshole... ironically not something in my present nature.... but it seems girls dig that side of things for some reason... I need to be more disposable and less of the attachment type, I guess.. I am summerizing the conversation terribly here, but I'm tired and just can't get my brain to focus.

as far as relationships go.. things with Minou are great.. we really have a good score on our communication. I'll admit I'm not happy with where 'I' am at, but I know this will pass, now that she is almost done and back to work. its been good for her and i'm very proud of her.

I have a few relationships on the go, but nothing too serious just yet. its more of in the making kind of stage.. but after the past year, just seemed no one had time for me when 'I' was free.. so it made a lot more work for me, and a lot of dissapointment.. but I know, as I was recently told, that I have to be patient long enough to resolve some things and I know that being in AB is not for me, so no point in getting too settled.. I just want things to be good for the time I'm here, so I can enjoy it more... but you make you own fun I suppose..

been dreaming a lot.. a lot of vivid and clear events.. other things about finally getting a book deal or a promotion.. I take it to mean good things, but I'm not sure what to read into it.. I've never dreamed like that before, so its the only reason I mention deals and things about the future...

its been hard to meditate, and get time for my head lately.. my guides have been present but not interactive, so I'm just dealing with myself and focusing my energy into merging my conscious with my body.. its something I've been lax in achieving and if I can get that in focus, more things should be clear. my memory has been very good though, I have a much clearer path to whats more or less visual mapping in my head, I know how I learn and I can mostly balance 'where' I leave information in my brain...

working on .. Tribal Site, Kye's site, Spanish, Flash; my own site and MM book & site work as well.. I'm amazed at having any time to write lately, but I am having difficulties getting in the study time on the side for Spanish and Webdesign stuff I need. So I think I will have to re-evaluate where I am this week and try to get some dates settled. I want to do well, but I'm having limiting issues with the basics of the site atm. on the back burning fell X days and GN, but I will get back to that writing and art soon enough.

ummm.. road trip to mexico this spring/summer we hope.. wedding in china in 2008 I believe as well.. so my travel plans seem to be growing properly. now I just need some execution to them.

ranted out. more to say, but I just can't do it atm.

*shakes weary head*

parting thoughts:
tequila hockey : my opponent 3 myself 5 to win..
glad we weren't downing per penalty.. phew..

+lost.late.laine+

CANCER (June 21–July 22): Writing in Whole Earth, Dr. Andrew Weil says, "Any level of biological organization that we examine, from DNA up to the most complex body systems, shows the capacity for self-diagnosis, for removal of damaged structure, and for regeneration of new structure." I urge you to keep that idea close to the front of your mind in the coming week, Cancerian. Contrary to what authorities in many fields would lead you to believe, you have a lot of innate power to figure out exactly how to fix your own problems, both the health-related kind and any others.

... Okay, so given that..
when does knowing how to fix the problem,
replace the 'ability' to do so?

+lonely.laine+

[ .v.&.v. ]

how hilarous
    no sounds
out against you
    & your love
scratching & crawling
at your side,
    faithful &
forgotten,
underfoot are
the remnants of
ventrical & valve

© Bryan McLean Sept 14 2006