finally this fucking year is over...
*sigh of terrible relief*

for those in the know, I send the you strongest wishes for a better year this coming time around..
this past year has sucked major ass..
I know I have a lot of work to do, but I'm hoping that the changes are hopefully moving to aide me..
need to help myself first I guess..

anyways.. holy chirst I've only got 20 mins to get drink ..
at least I'm chatting to ppl, so I'm not drinking alone..

cheers all

+laine+

this is from back in 98 or so when I wrote this..

the two things I do in fall is listen to August and Everything After by the Counting Crows and find all of my Hallows' pohems.. I'll maybe write a new one tomorrow..

~dead are walking

and the dead are walking tonite
lurking in the shadows
striding throught the heavy mist
that resides over the city

and the dead are walking again
crawling grasping shifting
fading in their own horriffic gore and filth
all their lies gone incarnate
on the matted surfaces
all their sins relived

and the dead are walking
desparately trying to find
a way out of their private hells and heavens
trapped under the surface of death
in the shadows and
the mists of salvation and slavery
just one nite past sam hain

SAMHAIN
Samhain is a festival of remembrance for the dead. It's held on the eve of Nov 1 (oct 31) and can last up to 3 nights. It is the last day to harvest. It is also the night the gate between the living and dead is "slightly open". Candles are lit to guide loved ones home. Pumpkins can also be used if you carve out the front. Samhain was originally "Feast of the Dead" and celebrated in Celtic countries. Food was left on the doorsteps for the "wandering dead". Extra chairs were placed aroundn the dinner table for unseen guests. A dinner is surved and includes foods of the season ( a lot like Thanks giving). Sweets (or maybe Trick or Treat candy lol) is for dessert. Samhain is the night to feast and last last days to prepare for winter.

[ .a.curing.tribe. ]

we wound down in circles
in the sweating hunt
where a drum circle was all I knew
my heart gone down to meet an earth
that I had nearly forgotten

her love so hard for me
the buffalomen point the way
they know the secret moon
the one that burns in life

the burning bird, my enemy, my lover
her wings lessen the beauty that surrounds
as we gawk and stare at her star filled love

my hate and hunger feed the drumming
where love knows no more secrets
plain and ugly on your skin

a thousand faceless men, they join our hunt
they come with war and lust
spears and tenements
now I come like war and lust
a hunger that can never own you

my eyes closed against the heated wind
beads roll down our spines and faces
like weeping sap or black ink
wet from waxing the landscape
fingers broken in all the right places
from your glass and pander

a curing tribe has come
we come to bring the sleep
of one more broken culture
our song the pheonix song
the first of ash and tearing

digging out now all the faces
that have ever served as ancestors
pulling away at the corners of your eyes
to force you to see
that the citadel is life
against your blinding straps
and burning skin

bondage comes from laughter
a hunger that will own you
visions filled you tearing eyes
a somber witch and cup
holding down the drumbeat
beyond your broken love

a passion for all things
circling in the sky of thunder
our curing tribe will wash this from you
and slowly replace what you have taken
into your threadbare hearts

Bryan McLean © 2k4

[ music | stabbing westward ]

I think the godz have forgotten about me..
I left so long ago, they prolly don't recall me any longer..

so I'm down here, wondering what the hell I'm doing, and I'm falling down every day I walk somewhere.. this can't be good... its like my head has been in the sand..

I just don't belong anywhere I go.. I don't have the energy to be healthy or aware of what I am doing... I cannot figure out which direction I need to go.. I'm trying so hard to learn things and be somewhere.. I'm just so crushed.. I don't know how to function anymore..

I'm so exhausted.. the kind of tired that sleep doesn't cure..

*sigh*

+lost.little.laine+

okay kiddies

I'm gone to ontario till monday

cheers

+laine+

SWEET!

THE DREAMING LA based rock band is formed by Stabbing Westward singer Christopher Hall and Econoline Crush drummer Johnny Haro

_________________________

[ the dreaming - let it burn ]

all my memories
of a life forgotten
the pictures and letters that we wrote
are hidden in the dark
locked away forever
buried in a shoebox labeled BURN

somenights when it rains
i dig out your old pictures
and dance with memories sour now with age
i wish i could let go
and just walk out of this prison
this shrine that i have built around my pain

http://www.myspace.com/thedreaming" title="http://www.myspace.com/thedreaming" target="_blank"http://www.myspace.com/thedre...

just a pic of my desk with a card and some photos I found today

+laine+

genrationowhere.tblog.com http://genrationowhere.tblog.com" title="http://genrationowhere.tblog.com" target="_blank"http://genrationowhere.tblog.... updated +laine+

traslation:
long story, made in brief...
too many Bryan's, Chirs', Dave's, Tom's, Mike's..

so I call everyone by their last name.. no mistakes.. so..

Bryan McLean = McLean = mick-laine = laine

cheers +lying.down.laine+

[ .king.of.all.the.sad.things. ]

all the sad things
still burning in me
a nagging duty
to my loneliness
in your failing sun

migration of all the hateful things
never gotten what I wanted
so my mind still speaks
awakened to a colder memory
of light & beauty & desire
where there is no salt nor flame

things are breaking in me
around me
cracked leaves line the floor
in your own house
of desperation & deceit
no longer my lover
not my enemy
nor my memory

drawing shapes
to make you up again
in your autumn lit ocean
back lit like seas
with mediterranean scents

here we find
all that my hands will work at
are feeding the weakening dream
that is you and me

earth toned crown
build just for me
of orange and browns
made up of summer-king leaves
with sun in the dirt
in my wild-boy hair

reaching through your
gauntlet of sadlings
the ones that hold me down
in the dead grass at twilight
where ghosts like to play
where we walk
no throne nor thorn
as we hide in the shelter of my wing

my arms bound in colours
of mathematics
of used up occult or ancients
and crows
within sigils of mercury navigation

tearing down my angel hands
the sadlings know the way to bind me
to strap down the helm
and crown me on my melancholy hood

so its where we find
in the fall and breeze
I am still your king
sunken and sullen
holding onto your memory
the broken memory
of what happened to my musae

her head down and tugging
on my colour burnt arms
with her last moments
last breaths
pulling me out of the way

the wreck of her body
her dead wet eyes
always in my hand

where all a king can do
is wonder how
all the sad things found me
knowing somewhere inside its over
knowing somewhere the world ended
when you left my wing

Bryan McLean © 2k4

[ .harsh.like.your.sun.godz. ]

I need to be climbed
like the mountain
or the sun

my hands are spires
hands of stone + glass
the machine
the mechnanism
clicking into place

harsh like your sun godz
the love and longing of another life
[something they cannot understand]
my ever reaching fury
burning to tear at you

memories of light
memories of skin + surface
where my hands are working
creasing back your shaded edges
my broken un-loved angel-filled hands

+bmc+ © 2k4

[ Goo Goo Dolls - Iris ]

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

"And on the eighteenth day, thou smitings shall be pass-ed down from on high, from him who is he, and he shall pass that down to so-and-so; thus so-and-so shall eventually pass that down to Jeremia to get things done, and he shalleth pass those smitings down as spankings for the whole lot of you" ~ jerry, 2:12, a.m.

see, I'm funny still.

*wink* +laine+