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| .green.bane. |
| 02.27.04 (8:36 pm) [edit] |
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[ music | clocks .coldplay. ] absinthe http://www.canadianbusiness.c... something of interest... |
| 1 Comments |
| .somewhat.damaged. |
| 02.25.04 (11:33 pm) [edit] |
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[ music | touched by vast ] [ mood | fucked up :shock: ] So, I was thinking that I must suffer from a rare form of Sadism. I'm under the impression in several cases that many pairs are set up in a masochist - sadist relationship... this is from friends and aquintances Ive known over the years... I'm beginning to believe there is flaw in this type of partnership.. bare with me here... I am a true sadist perhaps, what I find to be the best psychological high from Sadism, is torturing someone.. causing them not only physical pain but also mental suffering... in what you do, but worse what you don't do; anticipation is quite the hell to live in, fear is so much more fun [ie: putting a knife them is one thing, but letting them think about it, when they have a phobia, is quite a different type of suffering...] if the subject is enjoying themselves, I feel this detracts from my sadistic experience... I don't think I can enjoy myself unless they are truely suffering... otherwise whats the point, then I'm only pleasing them while I'm messing with them.. don't get me wrong, playing its great fun.. everyone gets to have a good time... I'm more so into the pleasure of others =] But what I'm getting at here though is that if you are going to torture someone, do it right... if you are a sadist, why would you give a good goddamn about their satisfaction?? |
| 2 Comments |
| counting.bodies.like.sheep.to.the.rhythm.of.the.wardrums |
| 02.24.04 (11:25 pm) [edit] |
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[ music | .a.perfect.circle ] sorry all.. I've been social, not a home, at work, at the doctors... the list goes on... frankly, I can't think of anything useful to point out... hmmm I'll come up with something I promise.. just been out of it, I supose... +laine+ |
| 0 Comments |
| .gravity. |
| 02.21.04 (2:35 am) [edit] |
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[ music | .a.perfect.circle. gravity ] I was thinking a lot about cylces recently... its hard to move forward when you are running in the same scared circles... I'm so angry all the time now.. so hungry for something intangible.. I can't describe whats missing... just want to stop having to worry about the future... [LINE] [i]I am surrendering |
| 2 Comments |
| .neurotically.yours. |
| 02.18.04 (4:48 pm) [edit] |
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enough said: ill will press http://www.illwillpress.com/ |
| 2 Comments |
| .death.by.fucking. |
| 02.17.04 (1:09 am) [edit] |
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[ music | tool ] [i]boredom's not a burden anyone should bear; constant over stimulation numbs me; but I would not want you anyother way...[/i] [LINE] I've decided [having the conversation now] that the best was to go for me is DEATH BY FUCKING. Yup, I'll die during an orgy in Paris when I'm like a hundred & eighty years old... Yup, I can see it now... a room full of naked orgy goers over my dead body.. that also reminds me.. I'm having my wake at 35... I've decided I've always been 35 and I am NOT missing my own wake.. fuck, if everyone is drinking over my dead body.. not without me, you fuckers... yup, thats my lifes plan.. add some estranged lovers and thousands of paintings and I'm set.. +laine+ |
| 9 Comments |
| .lyinghere. |
| 02.17.04 (1:07 am) [edit] |
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for those that may have wondered (or not) where my name comes from... fav dm song... [i]"Will you lead me to your armchair Or leave me lying here"[/i] [LINE] [ depeche mode ] In your room Where time stands still Or moves at your will Will you let the morning come soon Or will you leave me lying here In your favourite darkness Your favourite half-light Your favourite consciousness Your favourite slave In your room Where souls disappear Only you exist here Will you lead me to your armchair Or leave me lying here Your favourite innocence Your favourite prize Your favourite smile Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here In your room Your burning eyes Cause flames to arise Will you let the fire die down soon Or will I always be here Your favourite passion Your favourite game Your favourite mirror Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here Will I always be here? |
| 2 Comments |
| .disconsertingly.enthusiastic. |
| 02.16.04 (3:23 pm) [edit] |
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[ music | yo-yo ma.crouching.tiger.hidden.dragon score ] haven't been freakishly inspired lately.. discovering depression is the only true motivator I've had all my life.. when I'm busy and content, I create or produce less.. when I'm angry with the world, I choose not to bother with it.. but when I'm depressed I find it easier to extract pieces of myself and put them down in writing or by drawing.. I appearently only draw now when I'm really low.. I don't do it for fun.. don't think I ever did... [wow, how cool and dispondent do I sound?] as Henry Rollins pointed out... [i]"but that fat fuck, Jim Morrison, once said.. Hold on to your depression, because its some of the most righteous and intense moments you'll ever have.."[/i] guess just thats how humanity works.. I mean if you consider Tennyson, Poe, Thomas, et others... all rather morbid writers, but all possesed with Romantic ideals.. angry and powerful.. seethingly dark & sexy.. hmmm well thats a goal to keep in mind at least.. On another semi.related topic... I've been annoyingly sensitive to other people lately.. I can't get the gift of sight, No; I get wonderful empathy... the universe is trying to impart some glorious lesson on to me, but I'd rather it just spell it out, instead of making me uncomfortable around groups of people.. whomsoever is proud of being empahic has never tuned in to the world radio... this is a unhappy place with wants, needs, and desires... all unkept and loitering... its making me rather edgy and hungry.. like the lusty hunger for sex or tearing the flesh off of killed prey.. a bit too primal to be safe around other people I think.. hmmmm back to brooding.. try to finish watching Legend with Minou... +laine+ |
| 2 Comments |
| .gib.mir.mein.destillat. |
| 02.15.04 (12:38 am) [edit] |
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[ music | just like you .three.days.grace. ] [i]"I could be cold, I could be ruthless.. you know I could be just like You.."[/i] [LINE]  http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/lyinghere/ soylentgrun.jpg" title="http://img19.photobucket.com/albums/v56/lyinghere/ soylentgrun.jpg" target="_blank"http://img19.photobucket.com/... so managed to play with another pic.. unsure if I'm content with it.. but it has its merits I'm sure... thoughts? [LINE] |
| 5 Comments |
| .masks. |
| 02.14.04 (5:39 pm) [edit] |
went to the masq at detours last nite... have more pics later, I think, but this was me before hand... I wanted a derby hat to go with, but no luck.. would have kept my hair under control and had 'goldenage' Sandman going on.. its a very old mask, the filter on her was stamped Oct 31, 1944... its probably the only antique I own...
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| 6 Comments |
| .precious.head. |
| 02.13.04 (1:41 am) [edit] |
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| 0 Comments |
| .my.wife. |
| 02.13.04 (1:24 am) [edit] |
isn't she goregeous? |
| 9 Comments |
yup, thats my wife :D 
| .in.repair. |
| 02.13.04 (1:13 am) [edit] |
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[ music | olp ~in.repair ] "[i]take this time to figure it out, the wires; the fuse; the things that you doubt; the wheels; the air; the metal; the mouth; something, something, something[/i]" [LINE] So, I had this thing at work to go on and on about, but do you think I could recall what it was??? fuck no.. so instead, I will rant about violence and the fact our history is built on it.. we would be no where without it. it that was not the case, this planet would still be ruled by short-cocked-over-compens ating dictators... [LINE]  oooh another topic.. stripes.. love stripes.. ya know 'love' them.. mmmm goodness... now, on with your evening... |
| 3 Comments |
| .where.is.all.the.anger? |
| 02.12.04 (9:15 pm) [edit] |
|
well holy fuck... so I finally bother to go out on a wednesday.. we are at Machine for Ballet Mechanique... I have never seen a more dosile bunch of goths... Goths are supposed to equate to the word angst... so I've heard anyways... [for those that remember: [i]"that Tom sure has a lot of angst"[/i]] I'm dancing to Ich Bin Ein Auslander... it was like people were tiptoeing through the tulips... weat... wtf??? were is all the anger?? I mean, really... thats a loud angry song people!!! BE ANGRY!!! *sigh* anyways, felt either really old or far too different to be there... very strange, strange indeed... need more anger... gonna go break stuff... |
| 0 Comments |
| .alone. |
| 02.10.04 (5:47 am) [edit] |
|
long stupid day of work... bad situations all around... I just keep getting more lonely... I haven't have contact with so many people, for so long... I can't get close to anyone, I can't trust them fully... I don't want any more friends, I've only been let down or there seems to be some inheirant flaw in people... maybe its me... maybe I can't stand myself and all the things I hate in people are the things I see in me.. doesn't seem to matter anyways, I'm either useless or unwanted some days, people think I'm odd and can't get over it, and its just not something you can fix either. I don't even hate myself... I must be far too narcissitic to realize what I truely am.. hmmm depressing thought... not knowing you're stupid... the world is filled with pylons, and I finally just remember that my dellusions about being better than certain others is actually just crap... I'm just one more spot taking up space... not like I can do anything about it.. oh well.. should sleep.. to angry to think, to sad to sleep.. what the hell is wrong with me today.... |
| 5 Comments |
| .I'm.FEATURED!. |
| 02.08.04 (9:10 pm) [edit] |
|
[pre-script : sorry all, I've been really active lately and have posted like seven different things in the last few days.. read down, catch up, comment.. I have a lot of new pics I've been adding...] _________________________ ____________________ unHOLY CRAP, tim burton!!!! I'M FEATURED!!! so is Projekt!!!! http://projektmonkey.tblog.co... I'll get so many more new victims.. err I mean friends out of this!!! Hmmm where to start with this new found fame?? Well I may as well go with a rant about the lack of Tim Burton films [before you ask, no I have yet to see big fish] I sooooo wish they'd stop making batman films after he left... they are nothing but a circus now... lost its dark [ie:miller] edge... Burton needs to do a zombie film... |
| 5 Comments |
| .the.outsider. |
| 02.08.04 (8:41 pm) [edit] |
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[muisc | a.perfect.circle ] [i]"What'll it take to get it through to you precious?"[/i] I love maynard's lyrics.. he comments so often on humanity and stupidity... this track reminds me of far too many people I've met.. I mean, when you're a teenager you suffer, you hate who you are and what your parents want/don't want you to be.. but we get over it.. why then are there just enough chronics out there that think suicide is cool and the happening thing to do... [LINE] .the.outsider. Help me if you can Adjust to this It's not the way I'm wired so could you please Help me understand why You're giving in to all these Reckless dark desires you're Lying to yourself again Suicidal imbecile Think about it, put it on the faultline What'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess, I dont wanna watch you Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadance Lying through your teeth again Suicidal imbecile Think about it, put it on the fautline What'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess, I dont wanna watch you Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die They were right about you They were right about you Lying to my face again Suicidal imbecile Think about it put it on the fautline What'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess, over this, over this Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere, Do it somewhere far away from here |
| 0 Comments |
| .for.minou. |
| 02.08.04 (9:20 am) [edit] |
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I did this fairly quickly, but I think it has all the elements I wanted... valentines is never too early... luv my sez [LINE]  http://img19.photobucket.com/...
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| 2 Comments |
| .been.sleeping. |
| 02.07.04 (10:12 pm) [edit] |
setting outwhere underway we make & break shapes of angels in the snow & glass where everything I've ever seen is made from mal-adjusted discontent the sorrow and the overflow where we can see a rocket moving stars and flesh longing for the well behind or maybe paris just to be someplace that matters I have been sleeping for so long that I feel I will never wake up from this solumn slumber ~bmc 2k4 |
| 0 Comments |
| .top.lines. |
| 02.07.04 (9:02 pm) [edit] |
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[oooooooh forgot. added comix/graphic novels to my left nav bar] ah movies... I was just reminded listening to the Pixes - Where is my mind? [after hearing bela lagosi is dead] of some great lines of films and literature... .fight.club. 'you've met me at a very strange point in my life' 'I haven't been fucked like that since grade school' .death.to.smootchy. 'I've got rickets on tape!' 'I'm kind of fucked up, so its hard to gauge' .neil.gaiman's.neverwhere. "and now the nice cup of tea" .pratchett+gaiman.good.omens. "... the road to Hell is paved with good intentions 4. _ 4 This is not actually true. The Road to Hell is paved with door-to-door salesmen. On weekends many of the younger demons go iceskating down it. list-of-worse-lines-ever. is stll growing... #1 Brandon Lee in showdown in little tokyo "thats the largest penis I've ever seen on a man" #2 Snipes in Blade "some muthafuckers are always trying to iceskate uphill" |
| 2 Comments |
| .the.truth. |
| 02.07.04 (8:38 pm) [edit] |
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"woof... ugliest girl scout ever" [line]  http://img19.photobucket.com/...¤t=getfuzzy1.gif
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| 0 Comments |
| .phucking.is.good.for.you. |
| 02.06.04 (8:06 pm) [edit] |
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I was thinking that at a gym it would be a much more valuable membership fee if they actually fucked the weight off of you I know I'd be stress free and far more limber... [i]"thats the best cardio I've had in years!!!"[/i] |
| 6 Comments |
| .phuck.it. |
| 02.04.04 (8:18 pm) [edit] |
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Right On! After spending the better part of like 3 hours trying to create a 'profile' in +html, I managed to come up with something... ... I hated it... So I said fuck it, did it all in photoshop7 and posted the pic.. its now rests on right under my photo [which now looks like crap above it, so I have to fix that...] I like to play with tining in some photos, bluring, using masks and filters.. so I pulled this one out and the pic it came from is here:  back to working on my mage stuff for now... cheers +laine+ add.on: fixed it... bugger that pic sucks... oh well.. I'll fix it some other day or dump it all together... le sigh.. |
| 8 Comments |
| .reason.6ix.to.enjoy.johnny.hollow. |
| 02.04.04 (5:32 pm) [edit] |
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I was reading through Jh http://johnnyhollow.com and enjoying the wonders of vincent marcone's work... this is their manifesto and misson... the very close reasons I'd rather see this world destroyed, rather than live these horrible lies for another century. [LINE] tHe mAnifesTo There is a creative famine in the current state of our popular culture. We are living in a world of plastic pop songs that are lip synced by an army of synthetic faces. Our homes are consumed by a flickering blue light that brings us absent entertainment. For the most part, our cathode ray tubes have been force feeding us images and sounds of zombified pop icons. Their dead eyes are fashioned with wide smiles. And yet we watch them, entranced by those souless grins, hypnotized by their massive success. We just can't help but feel pinned against a sonic wall by this new wave of starlit mannequins. And to this we say: Fuck that. Johnny Hollow won't have it. johnny hollow http://johnnyhollow.com vincent marcone http://mypetskeleton.com [LINE] |
| 0 Comments |
| .goth.pants. |
| 02.03.04 (10:22 pm) [edit] |
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As I was so recently pointing out to someone... ... clothing is not my forte ... it looks better on others ... I'm usually dressed for work which is slacks and dress shirt [*badfrenchaccent* "Exciting, no?"] then I'm at home slumming either in jeans [actually I wear a lot of blue when I'm free and a lot of black at work.. I think I'm sending a message,hmmm] OR slumming in 'goth' pants, which are the standard issue plaid sleep pants that I am convinced every true 'goth' *hackhacksnicker* secretly owns a pair and lays around all day in when they are not in their saturday nite best... *ahem* but other wise PVC is fun, not to mention you make more friends with velvet... ... a lot more friends with velvet ... |
| 3 Comments |
| .rhythm.of.the.war.drums. |
| 02.03.04 (10:15 pm) [edit] |
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I've been listening to the new a.perfect.circle quite regularly lately... I tend to get obssesive with an album when I have them.... its one of those you have to listen to for a bit, and then you get hooked on the lyrics and style... I mostly follow Maynard around for his lyrical abilities and writing.... too many groups do little better than scream or speak their lyrics; some have potienal but never change up their style... but after years of Listening to Tool [you have to skim over some of their weird tracks, but the meat is there] you get addicted to the sexuality and anger thats within... ... this was similar to what I was ranting about last week in that edict poem thing I wrote.. [LINE] [ a.perfect.circle PET thirteenth step ] Don’t fret precious, I’m here Step away from the window Go, back to sleep Lay your head down child, I won’t let the boogie men come Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums Pay no mind to the rabble, pay no mind to the rabble Head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of the war drums Pay no mind what other voices say, they don’t care about you like I do Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils See, they don’t give a fuck about you, like I do Just stay with me, safe and ignorant, go back to sleep, go back to sleep Lay your head down child, I won’t let the boogie men come Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums Pay no mind to the rabble, pay no mind to the rabble Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons I’ll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason I’ll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son One and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself Swaying to the rhythm of the new world order and Count bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums The boogie men are coming, the boogie men are coming Keep your head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war dums Stay with me, safe and ignorant, just stay with me, Hold you and protect you from the other ones, the evil ones don’t love you, son Go back to sleep… |
| 0 Comments |
| .bitter.sweet.taste.of.sorrow. |
| 02.03.04 (5:47 pm) [edit] |
|
having one of those blah days.. nothing quite seems right today... I feel more like an illusion than a real person today.. probably just fatigue setting in... |
| 2 Comments |
| .what.the.fuck. |
| 02.03.04 (5:33 am) [edit] |
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[ music | Pet a.perfect.circle ] Okay, it seems that I recieve at least three to four cock enhancement mails in my inbox daily... they tout flaggarant gurantees of results and 'gettn wit da ladies'; its what women, want you know... well kids, I find that rather formulaic.. by now we all know that the grrls want several things... money can replace love and make up for most of your short comings.. its a good start.. Also a kind heart occasionally pays off... not being a mean muthafucker might just work to your advantage.. now, no woman really wants a 3incher, but there is big and then their is just crazy... but here is one little tidbit for those out there that may not have figured it out yet... Congradulations!!!! [a la Stageboy] You have a fiftysix inch cock, could use it for a belt limp, errect could use it as ladder to save kittens from trees for small children; you can't walk without it tied down or back, some thing involving a rig or sling; you are the proudest thing since Ben&Jerry's asstatic fuckalottachocolate flavor... All of that giant cock nonsense still does not change the fact your are a Stark Raving Asshole!!! Congrats... your a fuckass with a monster chubby! and will spend the rest of your life hearing, "lets just be friends!"; "Get away from me with that thing!"; "what are you retarded?? I couldn't climb on that thing and live, it would lance me like a polearm.." thank you ... ... and goodnite ... |
| 8 Comments |
| .testing.your.mind. |
| 02.01.04 (9:00 pm) [edit] |
|
N O T E V E R Y O N E W I L L G E T I T |
| 11 Comments |
_________________________
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-silence- .speak without fear. .know that beauty is balance/beauty is flesh. .know that life is a road we fall blindly downward. .know that when we touch, we affect things. .know this all means something. .love is only here to devour & fondle us. |