[ words : brain on music, spirit in the city]
[ sound : U2, mars, cure]

" don't you pretend .. that I'm not alive ..
my bones never ache .. unless she's nearby .. "
~c.bixler-zavala

Avoiding sleep again.. just don't want all the angry things in my head to find me.. only thing worse than being awake is trying to, but not sleeping.

tired of delays, tired of excuses, tired of failed promises, tired of planning, tired of settling, tired of waiting, tired of working for nothing, tired of feeling alone, tired of fighting, tired of standing down, tired of trying..

Off of suppliments again, I doubt that's my problem though.. they were mild and it wouldn't change the unsatisfying factors pressing on me right now.. physically, mentially, & spiritually unsatisfied right now.

Not really sure what to do with myself at this point..

[ .lamentation. ]

so out of place
just like you've been
in the echoing night
where our tremors
catch us up
the lines feral
in your hungry wake
as the being
under your skin
fights to tear
in side out

© B McLean April 21, 2008
x.days

[ words : brain on music, spirit in the city]
[ sound : aqualung, fray, hawksley, manson, lye, emzy collins ]

" I've been watching your world from afar ..
I've been trying to be where you are ..
and I've been secretly falling apart ..
I see .. to me you're strange and you're beautiful ..
you'd be so perfect with me but you just ..
can't see .. You turn every head but you don't .. see me .. ~m.hales

Bands you should know
its a mix of styles, but all have very good merrit

LYE : St Louis IL
www.myspace.com/lyemusic

Emzy Collins : Detroit MI
www.myspace.com/emzycollins

Aqualung : Matt Hales : London UK
http://www.myspace.com/aqualung" title="http://www.myspace.com/aqualung" target="_blank"http://www.myspace.com/aqualu...

Hawksley Workman : Huntsville Ont
http://www.hawksleyworkman.com/" title="http://www.hawksleyworkman.com/" target="_blank"http://www.hawksleyworkman.co...

Armchair Cynics : Victoria BC
http://www.armchaircynics.com" title="http://www.armchaircynics.com" target="_blank"http://www.armchaircynics.com...

Hey Rosetta! : St. John's NL
http://www.heyrosetta.com/home.php" title="http://www.heyrosetta.com/home.php" target="_blank"http://www.heyrosetta.com/hom...

Rise Against : Chicago IL
www.riseagainst.com/

美少年燃え ... Bishonen Nenshou

for those wondering where this comes from... In anime, pretty-boys or beautiful-boys are common characters & protagonists, icons of androgenous perfection.'burning' for the concept of something similar to The Burning Man (not just the event) but burning an effigy of the symbol for man, or in this case a beautiful icon. A symbol of purification through fire.. and the release of spirit.

[ .here.in.the.waiting.street. ]

guttered again
in rained out streets
strangers have
no inclination
of lending hands
to your broken jaw
now blossoming
out over the brim

begrudged holes
in your purchased skin
now breathing thickly
the darkened clouds
sub-septic & dermals buried
deep into your wilting surface
and scars dug in
to lounging lungs

lovers in the bridge
of your seared maw
curb ground
tasting enamel dust
now vicious & vapid
jagged hungry edges
cutting fleshy cheeks

patience is the pallet here
running tongued veins
that criss sectioned
the pulpy surface
entangled asphalt
replacing lovers
clotting plasma
now splayed across
a useless face
and the waiting street

© Bryan McLean March 1 2008
excerpt from X.days

[ words : brain on music, single atom ]
[ sound : nin, cursive, gin.bloosoms ]

" is there a line that I could write.. sad enough to make you cry..
and all the lines you wrote to me were lies..
~d.hopkins

[ words : brain on music, single atom ]
[ sound : mars, 1.outside ]

" all my violence .. raining tears upon the street ..
I'm bewildered .. for we're strangers when we meet .."
~d.bowie

[ words : anthology, single atom ]
[ sound : mars, cure, armchair cynics, broken social scene ]

" open wrists talk back again.. in the wounded of its skin..
they'll pinprick the witness in ritual contrition"
~c.bixler-zavala

[ .capillarity.gone. ]

livid styles
pinpricks all fashioned on sky & skin
where nothing holds back
lips on hearts that work the mound
aching still festers
in your psyche psylli-ble

our echoes etching
epidermis turned pulp red
gone tasteless
gone tongue numb
your haunting presence
eats our every word
ever silent structures
that are not love

and ever arching
are your plots & applauding
clasped palms to psalm valves
the beat goes on
capillaries dying
one by one
gone grounded out
are all eyes gone out?

© B McLean Jan 24, 2008

[ words : anthology, single atom ]
[ sound : quicksand, mc r, assemblage23 ]

" inequity solace in your driven state,
sieze your right to earn the same"
~w.schreifels

[ words : chinese anthology of poetry ]
[ sound : the.mars.volta, bach ]

" at the nape of ruins ...
rust propellers await "
~c.bixler-zavala

We have Negative thoughts daily. Opinions of ourselves... of others. On so many levels in our daily lives we see conflict and horror; again a concern I have with media & education which is a different rant. However, we have to consider (or at least empathically consider) that there is war and famine and terror in the world.  That people are more often terrible to each other than Compassionate... at the end of the day, we all need to focus on Our lives, the actions we take and the Good we can do on a small level by just being a compassionate person. Society as a whole are stronger united together.

THE STORY OF STUFF

WORK - WATCH - SPEND

“Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life, that we convert the buying and use of goods into rituals, that we seek our spiritual satisfaction and our ego satisfaction in consumption. We need things consumed, burned up, worn out, replaced and discarded at an ever-increasing rate.” – Victor Lebow, Retail Analyst, a few years after WWII

Please set aside about 20 mins to consider this very valid and real situation. Our actions going into the future, our need for change in society and north america are made clear in this brief seminar. Consider Consumerism & Capitalism in your daily actions.

SYSTEM = SPIRIT

A system that is against our very spirit is unacceptable and our bare nature must change to right this imbalance. We must seek truth and find in 'ourselves' the clarity of purpose to re-built our future cycle of living. No one else can offer this change of lifestyle, only you can awake to the urgency and take the steps to change and find our own salvation.  The government and corporate systems will not aid us in this change until we force their hand.  Our system must rise to meet our spirits. Learn to Stop, Reflect, and Take Action, so our spirit is the goal of the system. ~bryan mclean 1/1/2008

+lost.laine+
 [b.mclean]

TAPOTI - Summer 1933

Red, orange, yellow, green,
blue, violet, indigo:
Who is dancing with these
rainbow colours in the sky?
Air after rain, slanting sun:
mountains and passes turning blue
in each changing moment.
Fierce battles that year:
bullet holes in village walls.
These mountains so decorated,
look even more beautiful today.

THE LONG MARCH - Oct 1935

The Red Army fears not the trials of the March,
Holding light ten thousand crags and torrents.
The Five Ridges wind like gentle ripples
And the majestic Wumeng roll by, globules of clay.
Warm the steep cliffs lapped by the waters of Golden Sand,
Cold the iron chains spanning the Tatu River.
Minshan's thousand li of snow joyously crossed,
The three Armies march on, each face glowing.

WINTER CLOUDS - Dec 26, 1962

Winter clouds snow-laden, cotton fluff flying,
None or few the unfallen flowers.
Chill waves sweep through steep skies,
Yet earth's gentle breath grows warm.
Only heroes can quell tigers and leopards
And wild bears never daunt the brave.
Plum blossoms welcome the whirling snow;
Small wonder flies freeze and perish.

MAO ZEDONG 毛澤東 (1893-1976)
(Mao Tse-tung, Mao Dedong)

The most powerful revolutionary and politician of twentieth century,  he was strongly influenced by Li Dazhao and Chen Duxiu, who were to become Communist leaders. A Chinese military and political leader, who led the Communist Party of China (CPC), Mao was present in Shanghai in 1921, at the founding of the Chinese Communist Party, and he was engaged in the 1927 peasant uprisings in Hunan. Mao was the leader of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) from its establishment in 1949 until his death in 1976.

Regarded as one of the most important figures in modern world history, Mao is still a controversial figure today. He is held in high regard in China where he is often portrayed as a great revolutionary and strategist, and transformed the country into a major power through his policies.  However, many of Mao's socio-political programs are blamed by critics from both within and outside China for causing severe damage to the culture, society, economy and foreign relations of China, as well as enormous and unnecessary loss of lives, a peacetime death toll in the tens of millions.

Mao is also recognized as a poet and calligrapher. Its content is heroic, visionary, revolutionary and it dramatizes the historical events that led to the new Republic. Mao stated that literature is always political, and that its true purpose should be to fire the masses with revolutionary fervor, to celebrate revolution and the people (not the subjective consciousness of the author), and should be judged on utilitarian grounds.  This was the basis for the Chinese development of Social Realist literature, and was the authority upon which writers who didn't fit the revolutionary model were criticized, censored, or worse.

[ .in.segments.we've.found.you.lounging.in.your.skin. ]

searing in the echoes
as you turn your head again
not meant for sleeping
empty shallow thoughts
run their course
coursing through
vein and valve

shadows dare
lingering here
as the a.m. passes on
and the hands that reach
have no fingers left
to graze your blurry skin

their sounds are shapes
of words won over
cutting clearly
the building tension
running through ligaments
the lines splayed out
off at odd angles
closer here
breath on bare cheeks

exhaustion is our expectation
in the nine to five lives
that we're running from
still in segments we've found you
lounging in your skin
the unnerving engines
of your lackluster passion
no heat filling rooms
that you filed silently from

© B McLean Dec 24, 2007
excerpt from x days

[ words : the universe in a single atom~Dalai Lama] 
[ sound : nizlopi, the.fray]

" 'coz I need some one to, really give myself up to, and you want it too, our hearts are open but,
are rarely spoken to by anyone, that language frightens them,
'coz tho I miss you, when I kiss you, we rarely let go,
and I want to go, off to that feeling, off to the ceiling,
whats this hour in, where we only just begin?"
~l.concannon

I was remembering some time ago, when you start to have a realization of yourself, your being, your ego.. I was developing a spiritual understanding. I've often had visions, its something that has helped me make many decisions in life (I get clouded and confused like everyone else and just as often as anyone), but those visions seemed to be leading me to be some kind of spiritual leader.

Over time however, I've discovered that to be untrue.  Its not that I'm incapable. Its just that I have a better understanding and a better perception regarding what that means. In our daily lives we are all spiritual leaders. The actions we take, the decisions we make moment to moment, these things not only define our true being, but give us continual opportunities to "pratice living". We must be involved to truely be alive.

Its easy to 'want' to live with compassion and mindfulness, but can we do it moment to moment?

It sounds simple, but in pratice its often more difficult with out some persistent training. We have to be on alert at every moment. Western society raises us with good internal values, I'll complain about it often, I know, however, we need to consider how we preceive everything, yet internal values can only lead us so far. If we believe we are independant, unconnected, then we have lost our way and we need to find our way back.

Often we fail to see beauty, even when it surrounds us. The experiences we have seem dulled somehow and the mystery of living has been taken away from us. I cannot understand how anyone could no longer believe in magic, when we are in its constant presence and dynamic motion. The universe is a mechanism of art and splendor, and even at a base level, our day to day lives are lost in wonder and are immersed in constant change.

+lost.laine+