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=== LYINGHERE ===
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REQUIREDENTERTAINMENT
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.fiction.
: MirrorMask, anaisi boys, neverwhere, american gods, smoke and mirrors,
anything sandman or death
. neil gaiman
:imagica, weave world, abarat
. clive barker
:someplace to be flying, the onion girl, forests of the heart, dreams
underfoot
. charles de lint
:the ecstasy club
. douglass ruskoff
:lost souls?, drawing blood, wormwood, the lazaruz heart
. poppy z. brite
:neromancer, virtual light, idoru
. william gibson
:fight club
. chuck palahniuk
:the alchemist
. paul caleo
:the celestine prophecy, tenth insight
secret of shambalah, god & universe
. james redfield
:the peaceful warrior, sacred journey
. dan millman
:something from the nightside,
agents of light & darkness,
paths not taken, hex & the city
sharper than a serpents tooth
. simon r green
: angels & demons, da vinci code
. dan brown
:snow crash, cryptonomicon
. neal stephenson
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.non.fiction.
*the urban primitive.
*universe on a tshirt
*city magic~chris penziuk
*spirits of the city~r.heaven
*the age of spiritual machines: when computers exceed human intelligence~ray
kurzweil
*secrets of shamanism.stevens
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.RPGs.
:Mage, Abberant
.WhiteWolf Publishing
:BESM d20
. Tri-stat System
:ADD [advanced dungeons & dragons 3rdEd]
.Wizards of the Coast
:Modern d20, Arcane; cyberpunk2.0; Tribe8; HKAT2 [HongKong
ActionTheater]; FadingSuns.
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.poetry.
:collected works of
dylan thomas
:divne comedy
. dante aligherti
:the captain's verses
. pablo neruda
: coke machine glow
. gordon downey
:poe, tennyson,
shakespeare, blake, kerouac
_____________________
.music.
the.cure, wolfsheim, vnv.nation, wumpscut, das.ich, tool,
a.perfect.circle, counting.crows, our.lady.peace, moist, nin, manson,
graeme revell, econoline.crush, depeche.mode, david.bowie, covenant,
cruxshadows, assemblage.23, linkin.park, rage.against. the.machine, cursive, mars.volta,
mdfmk|kmfdm, orgy, placebo, u2, voltaire, white/rob.zombie,
system.of.a.down, switchblade.symphony
_____________________
.comix.graphic.novels.
[Z?] jthm, Ifeelsick, fillerbunny, InvaderZim
.vasqez.
lenore, monsters in my tummy
.dirge.
gloom cookie, nitemares&fairytales
.valentino.
Dead.Line 1: Spiritus Sancti
.olajos.
The Witching Hour
. Loeb; Art: Bachalo, Thibert .
spawn, spiderman
.macfarlane.
death, sandman, books of magic
.gaiman.
maxx
.keith.
from hell, league of extraordinary gentlemen, watchmen
.moore.
Rising Stars
. J. Michael Straczynski .
_____________________
.fineart.
:cristo, wmjturner, klimt, pollock, man ray, kandinsky, ryden, rothko,
degas, renoir.
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| .bad.nite. |
| 05.11.08 (1:27 am) [edit] |
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[ words : brain on music, spirit in the city] [ sound : U2, mars, cure] " don't you pretend .. that I'm not alive .. my bones never ache .. unless she's nearby .. " ~c.bixler-zavala Avoiding sleep again.. just don't want all the angry things in my head to find me.. only thing worse than being awake is trying to, but not sleeping. tired of delays, tired of excuses, tired of failed promises, tired of planning, tired of settling, tired of waiting, tired of working for nothing, tired of feeling alone, tired of fighting, tired of standing down, tired of trying.. Off of suppliments again, I doubt that's my problem though.. they were mild and it wouldn't change the unsatisfying factors pressing on me right now.. physically, mentially, & spiritually unsatisfied right now. Not really sure what to do with myself at this point.. +lost.laine+
Numb - The Cure - R.Smith Yeah this is how it ends After all these years Tired of it all Hopelessly helplessly broken apart He finally falls He doesn't want to think Doesn't want to feel Doesn't want to know what's going on Says there's nothing he can do will change anything He doesn't want to know what's going wrong Because he's in love with a drug One that makes him numb One that stops him feeling at all He's in love with a drug Forget everyone He really doesn't care anymore Anymore... | Yeah this is how it ends After all this time Everything just fades away Worn-out and empty and all alone With nothing left to say Oh it's all too big to make a difference It's all too wrong to make it right Yeah everything is too unfair Everything too much to bear He doesn't have the strength left for the fight
Says all he wants is the drug The one that makes him numb The one that stops him feeling at all He just wants to take the drug Forget everyone
He doesn't want to care anymore Just keeps loving the drug The one that makes him numb The one that stops him feeling at all Just keeps loving the drug The drug that he's become He isn't really here anymore... And that makes me cry |
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| .lamentation. |
| 04.21.08 (11:46 pm) [edit] |
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[ .lamentation. ]
so out of place just like you've been in the echoing night where our tremors catch us up the lines feral in your hungry wake as the being under your skin fights to tear in side out © B McLean April 21, 2008 x.days
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| .lyinghere.com. |
| 04.06.08 (7:24 pm) [edit] |
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[ words : brain on music, spirit in the city] [ sound : aqualung, fray, hawksley, manson, lye, emzy collins ] " I've been watching your world from afar .. I've been trying to be where you are .. and I've been secretly falling apart .. I see .. to me you're strange and you're beautiful .. you'd be so perfect with me but you just .. can't see .. You turn every head but you don't .. see me .. ~m.hales 
For those curious people still following my work… Just some updates : I've updated Lyinghere.com recently with newer info on my current work...
- 2008 Still publisher hunting for The Syndrome Papers
considering self publishing at this stage. - 2008 Starting Audio Recording for The Syndrome Transmissions
Translating the Papers into a sound book - 2008 Starting Vocal Recoding / Music with Norwood for Cadmic
- 2009 Beginning draft work for X days. Ten days is a Graphic Novel
Of my writing, design, photography, and media paintings. Its my main project for 'o9
Email me any info you need and if you know anyone looking to Publish or Purchase copies and cannot wait, I can make limited editions. I'll have new equipment soon, so once its made it in and I've got the space next month I will be gettting the rest of Studio 609 up and running.
thank you for your continued support +lost.laine+
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| .美少年燃え. |
| 03.23.08 (1:58 pm) [edit] |
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美少年燃え ... Bishonen Nenshou for those wondering where this comes from... In anime, pretty-boys or beautiful-boys are common characters & protagonists, icons of androgenous perfection.'burning' for the concept of something similar to The Burning Man (not just the event) but burning an effigy of the symbol for man, or in this case a beautiful icon. A symbol of purification through fire.. and the release of spirit.
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| [ .here.in.the.waiting.street. ] |
| 03.17.08 (10:00 pm) [edit] |
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[ .here.in.the.waiting.street. ]
guttered again in rained out streets strangers have no inclination of lending hands to your broken jaw now blossoming out over the brim begrudged holes in your purchased skin now breathing thickly the darkened clouds sub-septic & dermals buried deep into your wilting surface and scars dug in to lounging lungs lovers in the bridge of your seared maw curb ground tasting enamel dust now vicious & vapid jagged hungry edges cutting fleshy cheeks patience is the pallet here running tongued veins that criss sectioned the pulpy surface entangled asphalt replacing lovers clotting plasma now splayed across a useless face and the waiting street © Bryan McLean March 1 2008 excerpt from X.days
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| LAINE : 2008 Q1 : building studio, publisher hunting : |
| 03.01.08 (9:44 pm) [edit] |
LAINE : 2008 Q1 : building studio, publisher hunting : 
The artist and author of many web published works, designs, & creations, Bryan McLean is a fresh new author with visionary perceptions.
McLean is a literary artist that brings us dark, exciting writing in a deep language that shows all of us as a generation fighting to live under great transition. Raised and educated in Ontario, and has lived in various locations and worked for various corporations all across Canada.
Updated my main site : http://lyinghere.com/" title="http://lyinghere.com/" target="_blank"http://lyinghere.com/ New version contains themes and design work from Syndrome.

Project : Syndrome I'm finishing up work on : The Syndrome Papers, Excerpt Notations Beginning shortly the Audio work to translate : The Syndrome Recordings (working title) notes : This will be Co-develped and Engineered by J M Norwood, we're creating an ambient enviroment for the back ground

Project : X.days notes: this will be a Graphic setting of photography, design, & painterly approach including my new writing. setting: The background plot is still being defined. Unlike Syndrome's concepts coming form Alchemy, X.days I'm thinking of keeping it near future distopian, murder mystery background.. something very political.. as I was fighting to figure out what motivations characters would have and how I could relate that to photographic imagery.. so much propaganda work was built in red, blacks, and whites that it will conincide with all the pieces I'm considering for the graphic novel portion.

Project : Cadmic new vocal recordings : In SkiN : Industrial Environments 2008 agents : J M Norwood & Laine (BMc)
laine : vocals, lyrics, guitars, piano, percussion, brass, arrangements, and obsession norwood : vocals, guitars, bass guitar, found sound sources, tape loops/samples, drums, drum programming, piano/synthesizers notes on Cadmic : Industrial Environments, Progressive sounds that are built through modern techonologies, the physcial act of instrumental evocation, and the creative process. Norwood has produced materials ranging from punk to folk, audio engineer and well rounded musician, Original Member of The High & Grand Collective and personal work from Angel On Fire. below are Links and the fan pages for those wishing to join. main site : http://highandgrand.net/cadmi...
FB Fan page : http://www.facebook.com/pages...
FB Grp page : http://www.facebook.com/group... All the Best this Year! +luv.laine+
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| .new.miserable.experience. |
| 02.27.08 (1:37 am) [edit] |
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[ words : brain on music, single atom ] [ sound : nin, cursive, gin.bloosoms ] " is there a line that I could write.. sad enough to make you cry.. and all the lines you wrote to me were lies.. ~d.hopkins
Continually I find myself reading the words of dead people .. I don't think its meant to be a common act. I surround myself with so much 'new' material, I generally don't rationalize the individual that created the source.. that profited from it, or failed to..
after all Van Gogh commited suicide in poverty and from suffering extensive periods of depression, never profiting from his works.. so many others from other substance abuse or mental illnesses.. Genius is not an easy mark to bare.. often its not recognized. Its important to take those materials and creations and consider their purpose and our meaning in relation to it... we often forget that we have so many more important things to accomplish in life.. and that we are often better off than others.. if we cannot help them, we certainly should not forget our fortune. I've been stable.. I've not been perfect, I continue with severe moments of anger or frustration.. I feel often things get in my way.. I like a set course, I like control with some surprizes, I like change, I like challenge.. but I find more often than not I cannot resolve the actions I want to, fast enough. I want to complete things, not feel like I'm moving so slowly. I want to get to just working on projects important to me, not sitting around exhausted or sidetracked. I don't feel as focused as I have on medications, but I'm more consistant and less stressed, and if thats all I can be fortunate of, at least its a positive direction. anyways, enough ranting for now, its bed time for demons.. +lost.laine+
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| .Skin.and.Light. |
| 02.22.08 (3:00 am) [edit] |
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[ words : brain on music, single atom ] [ sound : mars, 1.outside ] " all my violence .. raining tears upon the street .. I'm bewildered .. for we're strangers when we meet .." ~d.bowie
Considering all the change going on, its seems that little has changed.. its faux spring now and likely we should get some weather fluctuations again soon.. its the trick to living in the foothills of the rockies..
Continuing to make some decisions about album concepts .. I still want to keep it related to skin and memory and finding an outlet for revolution.. concepts like how our skin has an eidetic type memory of textures & temperature .. like pheromones & sounds, our skin influences the behavior of our brains; soft animals, soft grass, cold piano keys, cold drinks in summer, cold sweat at nite.. all our skin needs to trigger memory and our physiological reaction to it.
Struggling with what direction to make a solid story to follow though.. but through the process I'm sure I will find the answers.. memory is such an important part of our lives, I'm sure I will figure out a way to relate all the themes I want. Also, unlike Syndrome's concepts coming form Alchemy, X.days I'm thinking of keeping it near future distopian, murder mystery background.. something very political.. as I was fighting to figure out what motivations characters would have and how I could relate that to photographic imagery.. so much propaganda work was built in red, blacks, and whites that it will conincide with all the pieces I'm considering for the graphic novel portion. No luck setting up the studio for a few months, but I think I nearly have the $$ I need.. replacing two guitars, keyboard, compressor mic, and a few other little things.. still need the space, but I hate to see our roommate go.. its better for him.. and Minou would get her massage room back.. but once thats done, I'll be back at work and I'll also be starting to work on The Syndrome Readings.. anyways.. rounding out the night.. much luv, +lost.laine+
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| .Cadmic. |
| 01.29.08 (2:31 am) [edit] |
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[ words : anthology, single atom ] [ sound : mars, cure, armchair cynics, broken social scene ] " open wrists talk back again.. in the wounded of its skin.. they'll pinprick the witness in ritual contrition" ~c.bixler-zavala
Cold... its otherworldly cold this week.. I think this is actually why I dislike winter so much; all I want to do is work all night and sleep all day.. not good with this day job thing *shrug*
So updating my main site has gone fairly well. I have to re-structure most of the writing page work now. but that won't take long, I just need a few more days on that. AWESOME NEWS : Finally have the beginnings of the new Audio project thats been forth coming with Norwood in ontario. Project title is Cadmic at the highandgrand site . This will be a colaboration of industrial and live sound. I have a lot of equipment I still need to pick up, but this will be the secondary work I'll be focusing on besides getting the Syndrome Papers published officially and before I start the photo/pohem project .X.days. 
Anyways, just gonna wrap this up tonite because I believe I can lay in the dark and eventually fall asleep before 3am. much love, +your.lost.laine+
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| .capillarity.gone. |
| 01.24.08 (1:06 am) [edit] |
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[ .capillarity.gone. ]
livid styles pinpricks all fashioned on sky & skin where nothing holds back lips on hearts that work the mound aching still festers in your psyche psylli-ble
our echoes etching epidermis turned pulp red gone tasteless gone tongue numb your haunting presence eats our every word ever silent structures that are not love
and ever arching are your plots & applauding clasped palms to psalm valves the beat goes on capillaries dying one by one gone grounded out are all eyes gone out?
© B McLean Jan 24, 2008
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| .snow.and.mic.work. |
| 01.18.08 (1:32 am) [edit] |
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[ words : anthology, single atom ] [ sound : quicksand, mc r, assemblage23 ] " inequity solace in your driven state, sieze your right to earn the same" ~w.schreifels
Snow.. not a big fan of snow. its brighter outside in the city, and I can't sleep. it makes me mentally active and I dream vividly, my body wants to be working, not sitting still. So, sufficed to say I'm avoiding sleep... which won't really hold on too long.
Just researching some sound materials for a new project I'm building with Norwood in Ontario. I'm apparently the seventh member of the high and grand collective now... but we have some specific ideas we are working on. keeping the project title to myself for now, but I'll be sharing it soon enough. Regardless its some heavier vocal work and should be good for me. I've been neglecting my creativity the last several years, and its starting to show in my daily attitude. Need to complete the wrap up on the syndrome papers. I've been delaying for some reason, but I need to get over that and get moving. once I pick up some new mic equip and get my office set up properly, I should have a better space to work in. Also Looking at doing follow up audio recordings with sound bites, making syndrome more of a media package. More important I keep my focus, but it seems harder everyday to keep my head & heart on target. So I'm missing guitars and percussion, I need a piano and looking at picking up some brass instruments again. I'm rusty with music and as much as I'm looking forward to re-learning some things, I'm feeling like I've been putting off my own personal work for a long time... and getting back to it might be a big struggle. makes me wonder if I have the energy and angst still in me to pull this off... but I know its there, I just really need to get into the mode of doing work again.. it will all come out at some point, I'm sure.. if it was ever in me, its hasn't left . but back to that sleep thing... its bed time for deamons. more ranting later... +lost.laine+
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| .our.daily.thoughts. |
| 01.05.08 (8:37 am) [edit] |
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[ words : chinese anthology of poetry ] [ sound : the.mars.volta, bach ] " at the nape of ruins ... rust propellers await " ~c.bixler-zavala
We have Negative thoughts daily. Opinions of ourselves... of others. On so many levels in our daily lives we see conflict and horror; again a concern I have with media & education which is a different rant. However, we have to consider (or at least empathically consider) that there is war and famine and terror in the world. That people are more often terrible to each other than Compassionate... at the end of the day, we all need to focus on Our lives, the actions we take and the Good we can do on a small level by just being a compassionate person. Society as a whole are stronger united together.
I've been lucky.. I think I was born with just enough neuro-chemical resistance that doesn't allow me to be additiced to things too easily.. unfortunately, I've been filled with a terrible sense of longing for things that are Not-fleeting.. and the universe is built on fleeting actions. But it is the mind that causes this negative longing or negative thoughts.. its likes to make us believe our Egos are real, that if we think enough, we can find a solution to something we begin to obsess over.. negative thoughts about health, trust in relationships, issues at work, personal finances, all kinds of things that easiliy create 'scenarios' we need to fix.. but in north america we are really taught to be negative.. we get addicted to negative emotions, because they are familiar and 'friendly' to us.. the unknown is scary, and thats what we need to avoid; believing the unknown is scary and letting our negativity be an addiction. I'm not saying don't be negative or have negative thoughts, just learn to accept them; and when they are discovered to be valid negative cognitions, DO something about it. Don't complain about it, don't ignore it, find an action you can take to make change about something you've found to be negative and valid that requires an action. Ways of getting on track. A good thing personally to do however is focus on diet, as in eating properly. Eating what you want, but healthier foods.. or less 'pre-paired' foods like fast-food or packaged mixes.. fresh meat and vegatables are better for our bodies obviously, we are not built to digest certain things, or a combination of things at one time ... So if we get our bodies are working properly, we can be certain to see if we are really missing certain neurochemical / proteins our bodies need to help us Mentally function well. Action. How to take it? Well I see all kinds of places and tools for speaking up and speaking out.. but still nothing seems to make 'my' personal alternatives clear. I have the intellect, passion, angst, charisma, and drive to be a starting point for others.. but where do " I " start? in consideration, +lost.laine+
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| .the.story.of.stuff. |
| 01.01.08 (3:38 pm) [edit] |
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THE STORY OF STUFF
 WORK - WATCH - SPEND “Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life, that we convert the buying and use of goods into rituals, that we seek our spiritual satisfaction and our ego satisfaction in consumption. We need things consumed, burned up, worn out, replaced and discarded at an ever-increasing rate.” – Victor Lebow, Retail Analyst, a few years after WWII
Please set aside about 20 mins to consider this very valid and real situation. Our actions going into the future, our need for change in society and north america are made clear in this brief seminar. Consider Consumerism & Capitalism in your daily actions. SYSTEM = SPIRIT A system that is against our very spirit is unacceptable and our bare nature must change to right this imbalance. We must seek truth and find in 'ourselves' the clarity of purpose to re-built our future cycle of living. No one else can offer this change of lifestyle, only you can awake to the urgency and take the steps to change and find our own salvation. The government and corporate systems will not aid us in this change until we force their hand. Our system must rise to meet our spirits. Learn to Stop, Reflect, and Take Action, so our spirit is the goal of the system. ~bryan mclean 1/1/2008 +lost.laine+ [b.mclean]
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| .winter.clouds.mao |
| 12.31.07 (1:19 am) [edit] |
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TAPOTI - Summer 1933
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, indigo: Who is dancing with these rainbow colours in the sky? Air after rain, slanting sun: mountains and passes turning blue in each changing moment. Fierce battles that year: bullet holes in village walls. These mountains so decorated, look even more beautiful today. THE LONG MARCH - Oct 1935
The Red Army fears not the trials of the March, Holding light ten thousand crags and torrents. The Five Ridges wind like gentle ripples And the majestic Wumeng roll by, globules of clay. Warm the steep cliffs lapped by the waters of Golden Sand, Cold the iron chains spanning the Tatu River. Minshan's thousand li of snow joyously crossed, The three Armies march on, each face glowing. WINTER CLOUDS - Dec 26, 1962
Winter clouds snow-laden, cotton fluff flying, None or few the unfallen flowers. Chill waves sweep through steep skies, Yet earth's gentle breath grows warm. Only heroes can quell tigers and leopards And wild bears never daunt the brave. Plum blossoms welcome the whirling snow; Small wonder flies freeze and perish. MAO ZEDONG 毛澤東 (1893-1976) (Mao Tse-tung, Mao Dedong) The most powerful revolutionary and politician of twentieth century, he was strongly influenced by Li Dazhao and Chen Duxiu, who were to become Communist leaders. A Chinese military and political leader, who led the Communist Party of China (CPC), Mao was present in Shanghai in 1921, at the founding of the Chinese Communist Party, and he was engaged in the 1927 peasant uprisings in Hunan. Mao was the leader of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) from its establishment in 1949 until his death in 1976.
Regarded as one of the most important figures in modern world history, Mao is still a controversial figure today. He is held in high regard in China where he is often portrayed as a great revolutionary and strategist, and transformed the country into a major power through his policies. However, many of Mao's socio-political programs are blamed by critics from both within and outside China for causing severe damage to the culture, society, economy and foreign relations of China, as well as enormous and unnecessary loss of lives, a peacetime death toll in the tens of millions. Mao is also recognized as a poet and calligrapher. Its content is heroic, visionary, revolutionary and it dramatizes the historical events that led to the new Republic. Mao stated that literature is always political, and that its true purpose should be to fire the masses with revolutionary fervor, to celebrate revolution and the people (not the subjective consciousness of the author), and should be judged on utilitarian grounds. This was the basis for the Chinese development of Social Realist literature, and was the authority upon which writers who didn't fit the revolutionary model were criticized, censored, or worse.
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| [ .in.segments.we've.found.you. lounging.in.your.skin. ] |
| 12.24.07 (4:26 am) [edit] |
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[ .in.segments.we've.found.you.lounging.in.your.skin. ]
searing in the echoes as you turn your head again not meant for sleeping empty shallow thoughts run their course coursing through vein and valve shadows dare lingering here as the a.m. passes on and the hands that reach have no fingers left to graze your blurry skin their sounds are shapes of words won over cutting clearly the building tension running through ligaments the lines splayed out off at odd angles closer here breath on bare cheeks exhaustion is our expectation in the nine to five lives that we're running from still in segments we've found you lounging in your skin the unnerving engines of your lackluster passion no heat filling rooms that you filed silently from © B McLean Dec 24, 2007 excerpt from x days
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| .consideration.of.daily.spirit. |
| 12.21.07 (12:53 am) [edit] |
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[ words : the universe in a single atom~Dalai Lama] [ sound : nizlopi, the.fray]  " 'coz I need some one to, really give myself up to, and you want it too, our hearts are open but, are rarely spoken to by anyone, that language frightens them, 'coz tho I miss you, when I kiss you, we rarely let go, and I want to go, off to that feeling, off to the ceiling, whats this hour in, where we only just begin?" ~l.concannon
I was remembering some time ago, when you start to have a realization of yourself, your being, your ego.. I was developing a spiritual understanding. I've often had visions, its something that has helped me make many decisions in life (I get clouded and confused like everyone else and just as often as anyone), but those visions seemed to be leading me to be some kind of spiritual leader. Over time however, I've discovered that to be untrue. Its not that I'm incapable. Its just that I have a better understanding and a better perception regarding what that means. In our daily lives we are all spiritual leaders. The actions we take, the decisions we make moment to moment, these things not only define our true being, but give us continual opportunities to "pratice living". We must be involved to truely be alive. Its easy to 'want' to live with compassion and mindfulness, but can we do it moment to moment? It sounds simple, but in pratice its often more difficult with out some persistent training. We have to be on alert at every moment. Western society raises us with good internal values, I'll complain about it often, I know, however, we need to consider how we preceive everything, yet internal values can only lead us so far. If we believe we are independant, unconnected, then we have lost our way and we need to find our way back. Often we fail to see beauty, even when it surrounds us. The experiences we have seem dulled somehow and the mystery of living has been taken away from us. I cannot understand how anyone could no longer believe in magic, when we are in its constant presence and dynamic motion. The universe is a mechanism of art and splendor, and even at a base level, our day to day lives are lost in wonder and are immersed in constant change. +lost.laine+
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_________________________


_________________________
_________________________
-silence-
.speak without fear.
.know that beauty is balance/beauty is flesh.
.know that life is a road we fall blindly downward.
.know that when we touch, we affect things.
.know this all means something.
.love is only here to devour & fondle us.
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